Lately, I’ve been contemplating death a lot, well, no more than the usual, but still, a lot! And I can’t help but too, because of what I’ve been reading and how I’ve been relating to it. This past week’s exploration into Steppenwolf and before that’s The Way of a Pilgrim really got me going on beliefs, dilemmas, and values; which will be the forces behind all of life’s hymns which I will someday be singing.
I’ve gone back to values, and been curious ever since The Way of a Pilgrim, “How is it that two people can receive equal acceptance from God when one has been praying without ceasing their whole life, while the other began in his/her last few months?”
It came to me: Where you are in the end is less about your actual enlightenment or your prayers said, but about your constant attempt, about your progress made in recent, and your desire for God’s salvation, which I’m not all too into being an Atheist and all, but I see this all the same as I see my values.
I don’t have the will of Chekhov or the drive of Bukowski, but I’d like to think I have what it takes to find my end result worth my progressive movements and efforts. I’d hate to see myself finishing everything I “thought” valuable to continue a discontent life of endless emptiness. I don’t want to wait until life’s last frame to see If the film was a good production.
I should be making life more like a book or film, create a climax or a flow, and remove this weight which lies on the last word/frame. I will try now to find more enjoyment in today, tomorrow, right now, whenever; I will see if contentment can be found and displayed to be later valued. I see it hard to have something one moment then give it up and still find great value in it, but if it can be done, I’d like to know.
Michael
