At what point in the process do you consider yourself over it?
I’ve thought I was in love a few times, and every time been let down by an ending to it all. I don’t know if I can consider what I had love, but I like to think that at least for a few days, in each case, what I had could be called that. There has been the process where it has felt over, and I’ve been left trying to move past what I felt. Last time I reach checkpoint 1 with someone, a.k.a. three dates down, was over a year and a half ago, and it bothers me that this doesn’t bother me. I’d love to find someone who sparks interest in me and makes me want to settle down, but I can’t imagine a harder time getting close to people. I feel that my past experiences have made me, well to say the least, uneasy about getting close and attached to someone.
People come and go far too easy to allow someone into my inner-workings and weaknesses. There have been three, or so, times that I’ve had it happen before, sadly I don’t honestly know how many times I’ve been fully real with someone, not many.
Hard to think about my times being in love, especially because it’s hard to call it love, since it ended and because I want to let it all go, but what else could I call it? A strong relation with another, a feeling of reliability stronger than with anyone else, or an indescribable connection found few others? I like to think that love is a connection found with no more than one, which would allow me to feel that I’ve never found it. If it’s true that I’ve found it before, then I know what it can do to a person, and I don’t like that; I never want to see myself in such stress and pain. Love shouldn’t end, so let’s hope it doesn’t come and go.
Let’s try to keep the similarities between love and the seasons down to the minimum: their individual beauties.
Michael
